Retaking the Reigns

I don't know about you, but I've been REALLY frustrated with this parenting-thing lately. I've been getting angry with my children and feel like they don't listen to me. They fight with each other, argue with me and whine about life.

At first, I blamed their behavior on upcoming changes in our lives. We're leaving for vacation soon which includes air travel to a new place. We also have a baby on the way. Those are wonderful circumstances, but sometimes kids process things that are new by acting out.

After a couple evenings of crying to my husband about how to handle these two children, I came to a realization. I've let go of the reigns in my home too much. It happens from time to time, usually slowly. Lack of follow through on wrong behavior, loosening standards and expectations and upset schedules until I suddenly realize that I'm not in control of my home any more.

Don't get me wrong, my husband is the head of our house and Jesus is in control. But on a day to day basis while my husband is at work, God has placed me in authority over my children. If I'm so frustrated with their arguing and fighting and complaining, it's because I've slacked in that authority. If I'm whining and yelling back at my children rather than calmly instituting consequences for their behavior, then I'm doing something wrong. I've learned that usually when I have negative emotional responses to my children's behavior, it's because I'm not taking control of the situation.

So, I'm grabbing back the reigns, which is always a little ugly at first because the kids have gotten used to running the show, but I think it's working. I'm a calmer and happier Mom, my home is more peaceful and my children are happier.

When I announced to the kids the other day that some changes were going to be made and explained those changes, my seven-year-old announced soon after, "Mom, you're the best!" Kids need and deep down desire order, calm and consistency in their lives. So if you need to take back the reigns in your home, know that you're doing the right thing for everyone!

Living at Peace?

"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:18

I really like that verse. You know why? Because it makes it clear that it ISN'T always possible to live at peace with everyone! I'm not thinking of the 'living' as talking about my own immediate family (although peace there seems hard to find at times, especially with two arguing kids!). Rather, I take it more to be talking about our relationships within the Body of Christ and without.

Our family has dealt with at least a couple specfic relationships where everything has seemed fine until some sort of conflict arises. We do our best to try and resolve the situation and talk things through. We're not perfect, but I think we're trying to do things as God would have us. But, no matter how hard we try, things blow up in our faces and the relationship is strained. It's sad when it involves a fellow Christian, but Paul is clear that sometimes it happens, no matter how hard we try.

It reminds me of Paul and Barnabas in the book of Acts. They were partners in ministry, serving God together and traveling all over the Roman Empire telling others about Jesus. In spite of how close they must have been, spending so much time together, they had an argument over John Mark that they couldn't resolve. They finally decided to part ways. You can read about it in Acts 15:36-41.

If you have conflict with someone, do everything you can to resolve it. But, peace takes two. Sometimes, after you do everything you can to fix the relationship, it just doesn't work. That's OK.

Do Over!!!

We had a very rough start to our homeschooling morning this Monday morning. Everybody had a bad attitude - me included! After trying for half an hour or so to get everyone to comply, I had an idea. I sent the kids to their rooms and told them that I wasn't happy with anyone's attitude this morning, including my own. They were to go upstairs and talk to God about their attitudes and pray that He would change them. I would do the same.

So, we went to our own corners for a few minutes and spent time with God. I confessed my attitude and my hollering and asked God to give me His love for my children. I asked Him to help me treat them with His love, patience and joy.

The kids came down a few minutes later and the rest of the morning went SO much better! I think I'll use that idea more often!

Do you need a 'do over'? A reset button? Thankfully, God allows us that. We can come to Him with our stress, our sin, our bad attitudes and lay them at His feet. He takes them away and fills us with His goodness instead. What a God we serve!

Trust

"Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God." Psalm 20:7

This idea of trust struck both my husband and I lately, although God used different means for each of us. What are the two hardest areas in life to trust God with? Our health and our finances. I'm sure some people have other 'trust issues' but I'm guessing those are the big ones.

Joe is very financially wise and we've been working to pay off our mortgage early. He confessed that he was tempted to think, "If we just get the house paid off, then it won't matter so much if I lose my job." He realized that although paying off the mortgage is a wise thing to do, he shouldn't trust in that to provide for us. God will take care of us, regardless of what happens. (He doesn't have any reason to think he may lose his job - you just never know!)

I was thinking about it from a medical standpoint. If this test just comes out this way, or if the doctor says this is OK, then all will be alright. Well, it's good to be healthy and to work toward being more healthy, that shouldn't be what we're trusting in, either.

I'm guessing the Psalmist was talking about going to battle with chariots and horses in Psalm 20. It would be a very logical thing to think that if you only had enough chariots and well-trained horses, that your chances of winning would be better. Isn't that a normal way to think? It would be like going into battle today and thinking that if we had enough soldiers and weapons, we'd be more likely to win. Soldiers and weapons are definitely good things to have in battle, but God says we should trust Him instead of trusting in those things.

What are your 'chariots and horses' that you're tempted to trust in rather than trusting in God?

Family Devotions?

Does the Bible teach us to have family devotions? Not that I'm aware of. I have "Bible time" with my kids as part of our home school and we pray as a family, but we've never been good at doing traditional family devotions. We talk about the Bible and how to live it as things happen, though.

Are family devotions a bad thing? Of course not. Kudos to those who do them! But sometimes I think we make too big of a deal about them and lack things that are more important.

"Fix these words of Mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking bout them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land..." Deuteronomy 11:18-21

These verses talk about making Scripture part of your family's everyday life, not just one compartment called "Bible time" or a "family devotion". For me, I've run into problems when I have my own devotion time, say 'amen' and then promptly forget everything I just read and prayed about.

We need to teach our children to walk with God throughout our day (and we need to do it as well, of course!). Living our faith is easy during family devotions (unless you have small children, then devotion time requires immense amounts of patience). It's when you close the Bible and start going through your day that walking with God gets difficult.

Purposefully look for opportunities throughout the day to teach Biblical principles to your kids. Write Bible verses on cards and hang them in places around your house to help you remember as well. Do your family devotions, but make sure you keep walking with God and teaching your kids to do so once the devotion is over!

Spiritual Eating Habits

As my age slowly creeps upward, I've found that keeping my weight where I want it gets harder. I actually have to watch what I eat now! I also seem to have a sensitive blood sugar, so I feel icky if I don't eat right.

In my attempt to eat healthy, I've noticed an interesting principle. Eating junk tends to make me crave more junk. Sometimes one helping makes me feel gross and I take the attitude, "Well, I feel icky anyway - might as well have have another." Or, one doesn't bother me and I figure that I can therefore afford to have another. Regardless, eating junk begets eating junk.

On the other hand, when I eat better food, I feel better and crave sweets less. Eating well begets continually eating well.

I think there is a parallel in the spiritual world. It's been quite a challenge to set aside time to spend with God alone. I used to be a morning person, but I definitely am not any more. But, if don't spend time with God before the kids get up, it's much harder to find time 'alone' to spend with Him. As I continue in the pattern of not taking that time, it doesn't bother me as much. I get frustrated when I think of spending time with God because I don't know what to read or what to pray about. Instead of feasting on Him, I fill up on 'junk food', finding satisfaction in lesser things.

But, when I spend time with God consistently, nothing else fills me the same way. I develop an appetite for spiritual things and lose my desire for the things that are not of God.

What is spiritual 'junk food'? Anything that I attempt to feast on instead of God. I find myself checking email and facebook every few minutes, hoping to bring excitement to my day. Those things aren't bad or wrong, but I sometimes look to them to fulfill me. Watching TV, shopping, eating, they can all fit into the category of spiritual 'junk food'. Taken too much or for the wrong reasons, they fill me up with empty calories and don't satisfy. They dull my appetite for God's Word and His presence.

When I find myself in the bad cycle, either literally by eating junk food, or spiritually, it takes some extra effort to switch the momentum. There is a period where I REALLY want something sweet but have to force myself to say no. Once I'm 'good' for a while, the sugar cravings subside. The same thing happens spiritually. There is frequently a period where I feel like spending time with God is hard and a big effort. Once I stick it through, I begin to see my attitudes and appetites shift.

"I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in Me will never go thirsty." John 6:35

What will you feast on?

God in the Plans

Yesterday, which was Saturday, December 19, the last Saturday before Christmas, we did our Christmas shopping. Yes, apparently we are certifiably insane. We and hundreds of other parents who swarmed the stores. Knowing it was going to be nuts, I had my list all made out and knew what to get at each store for each child.

We got to Target, our first stop (yes, the kids were with us, forcing us to try and shop sneaky without the kids figuring it out). Target was packed and the shelves held almost none of what I was looking for. A few days earlier, I had found what I wanted, but by Saturday it as gone. Frustrated, stressed and overwhelmed, we left with one gift.

Joe suggested that we ditch most of my list and head to the hobby store. He argued that it wouldn't be as busy and we would find higher quality gifts that would inspire creativity in our kids. I'm not one to discard my lists and plans easily and it took a lot of convincing for me to relent. I was concerned that we'd spend more money at the hobby store, but off we went.

Once at the hobby store, we had a great time. We let the kids look around and got ideas for what interested them, then I watched them while Joe bought things and hid them in the car. The things we got were much better quality than we would have gotten elsewhere. I relaxed considerably and admitted that yes, my husband had been right.

Then he told me that he had prayed that morning that God would lead us in getting the right gifts for our kids. We were convinced that God had answered that prayer.

Why hadn't I thought of that? I think I have the materialistic "presents" side of Christmas so segregated from the spiritual "Jesus' birthday" side of Christmas. My wise husband invited God to be part of our plans to bless our children with gifts that would help them grow as well as remind them of the gift of Jesus.

Praise God that He wants to be in all of our plans, both those deemed 'spiritual' and those considered 'worldly'. When we walk with Him, all things are sacred and He wants to be involved in all of it.

May you invite Jesus to be Lord over all your plans this Christmas and always!

Tips on Redeeming a Grumpy, Gloomy, Bickery, Ucky, Blah Day

This fall has been particularly gloomy for some reason and it affects everyone. We've had several days where everyone is grouchy, bickering and gloomy. How do we fix that for Mom and kids alike? Here are some tips that have helped our family...

1. Get outside, no matter how cold, wet or gloomy it is. Even just for 5-10 minutes. There's something about fresh air that lifts the spirits. The other day we went outside and collected fall leaves for 10 minutes. Everyone was much happier afterwards!

2. Do an art project. Creativity also seems to help bring some light to dark moods. We pressed our leaves and made place mats from them. Bring out the paint or the play dough.

3. Put on some lively music. Classical music, praise and worship, whatever fits your family.

4. Play a game. Maybe it's a good day to bring out Chutes and Ladders, Candyland or teach the kids to play checkers.

5. Accomplish something simple but satisfying. I vacuumed out my car while the kids were collecting leaves. It REALLY needed to be done but didn't take much effort. It looked SO much better and I felt great about having it done. (Hubby was glad, too!)

6. Laugh! Go tickle your kids or watch a funny movie with them. Have them take turn telling jokes, no matter how corny.

7. Get moving! Do jumping jacks with the kids, or jump rope in the basement or "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes". Get the blood flowing.

Anyone have other tips to share? The weather isn't going to get nicer any time soon...

Jesus is for Losers

"While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew's house, many tax collectors and 'sinners' came and ate with Him and His disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they asked His disciples, 'Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?' On hearing this, Jesus said, 'It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: I desire mercy, not sacrifice. For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.'" Matthew 9:10-13

Do you see yourself as sick or well? Do you need a spiritual doctor? We're so good at convincing ourselves and the world around us that everything is fine. Yes, my life is fine, my family is fine, my marriage is fine, my kids are fine, my job is fine. No problems. I don't need anything from you or anyone else, especially God. Jesus is just a crutch for those who can't handle life on their own.

Well, guess what. None of us can really handle life on our own if we're truly honest with ourselves. Our pride insists that we can do it all just fine. We can figure it out alone. And if you're not at the place where you realize that you don't have things all figured out, beware because God has very effective ways of getting you there quickly. Not to be mean, but because sometimes we need to be made aware of our need in order to come to Him and find true joy.

The crux of the issue is that we all sin. We all fall short of God's glory - His perfection. Big things, little things, we all do it. And the "but I'm really a good person" just doesn't cut it.

The Pharisees were good people and Jesus tore them up one side and down the other. They followed all the rules, plus lots more. And they had a lot of rules to follow - over 600! But they missed the point. They focused on the outward stuff and ignored the inner stuff. God cares about the inside.

"You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgement.' But I [Jesus] tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgement." Matthew 5:21-22a

Been angry? Oops.

"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Matthew 5:27-28 Ladies, this goes for you, too. Have you gazed too long at the cute UPS guy? That co-worker? Oops.

James 2:10 "For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it." Whoa. Suffice it to say that we're all in deep doo-doo, no matter how 'good' of a person we think we've been.

So what's the out? "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

OK, so we work hard enough at being a good person from now on and Jesus will take care of it all for us, right?

No.

It doesn't say "...whoever tries hard enough and goes to church every Sunday will not perish but have eternal life." It says BELIEVE.

"For by grace [free gift] you have been saved, through faith. It is not of ourselves, it is a gift from God. NOT AS A RESULT OF WORKS SO THAT NO ONE SHOULD BOAST." Ephesians 2:10, emphasis mine

Being a good person has nothing to do with it, folks. Jesus is for losers - people who will have the humility to admit that they can't do this thing called life on their own. Losers who admit that they sin and that being a good person doesn't fix it. And don't get too excited about how humble you are, because that would be pride and then you'd be back where you started. :)

Are you a loser?

What's this 'Nanowrimo' thing?

If you're a non-writing friend of mine, or you do write and you've just never heard of this "NaNoWri Mo" thing, let me fill you in. It stands for "National Novel Writing Month", although it's become really quite international. For the month of November, whomever is insane enough to try it, writes a 50,000 word (or more) novel between November 1 and November 30. As crazy as it sounds, tons of people do it from all over the world. There's no prize if you win, just the satisfaction that you did it.

I tried it last year, but about a week in was struck down with morning sickness and pregnancy exhaustion, so I gave up. But, this year, I'm more or less healthy and have no excuses! Actually, I could come up with quite a few excuses, but I'm going to try it anyway. :)

So, why in the world would an already busy homeschool mom decide to write about 1700 words a day for 30 days? Hah! So glad you asked...

1. I enjoy the challenge. I like stepping out a doing something that has nothing to do with being a Mom or educating my children.

2. I want to work on turning off my "inner editor". In writing and in other areas of my life, I tend to be fairly critical of what I produce. When writing a novel in 30 days, quantity rather than quality is the goal. There's no time to listen to the editor in my ear telling me how horrible this is and how it will never work. He just has to shut up so I can get it done. All first drafts have big problems that need to be fixed. This one will certainly be no different. You can't edit a blank page. (Someone else said that - not me.)

3. I'm using the opportunity to explore a few writing things I've been wanting to but haven't. I want to write in dual perspectives, meaning that the story is told from the point of view of two different characters. I also want to write for adults rather than teens. Thirdly, I'm working on a plot that deals with racial issues in the Church - a topic I've wanted to tackle for a while. Am I SUPER nuts for trying so many new and serious things on a slam together Nanowrimo novel? Perhaps. But, in my mind, doing it this way gives me the freedom to fail, and therefore the freedom to take more risks that I otherwise might not .

4. I've had trouble in the past writing novels in short chunks because I lose track of the flow of the story. It's like trying to carry on an in-depth conversation with someone in 2 minutes a day. It's a little hard to keep track of what you were talking about. This should solve that problem. I'm also guessing I'll learn more how to write amid distractions (like children, football games and hockey games in the background).

I've found that when I know what I need to write, my kids are relatively quiet upstairs for 'rest time' and I've got a coffee buzz going, I can write 500 words in about 20 minutes. So, an hour and a half, roughly, per day to make 1700 words. No problem! I think the problem will be keeping that up throughout the month.

November will NOT be the month to quit caffeine and I may be doing my Christmas shopping early. Or late.

Anyone care to join me? ;)

The Great Divide

Have you ever noticed that there are people who have been Christians for quite some time, have all sorts of Bible verses memorized, serve in all different ministries, etc, and yet they still seem to struggle in some basic areas? Gossip, complaining, greed, selfishness... Have you ever noticed yourself in that category? I've seen it many times, including in myself, and was thankful when a speaker I heard this past weekend addressed that issue.

He said that our spiritual maturity and our emotional maturity are linked. Some of us have emotional issues from our past that are keeping us from developing emotionally and spiritually. Do you struggle with trying to impress others and build yourself up? (I do!) Philippians 2 says that Jesus did not consider equality with God something to be grasped and that we should take the same attitude. Is there something in your past that has triggered that struggle, like a parent you could never please or constant feelings of inadequacy? Do you get defensive when criticized? Wrestle with a food or spending addiction? The list goes on.

If the answer is 'yes', is it time for counseling? Well, I can't answer that question for you, but Jesus was clear that He wants us to bring all our 'junk' to Him.

"Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." Matthew 11:28

So, whether or not you feel led to talk through some issues with someone else, we definitely need to work through them with Him. If you have issues from your past that need to be worked through, I would highly recommend the book Building the Christian Family You Never Had. In the first half of the book, author Mary DeMuth describes her own very challenging time growing up and walks readers through how to process, forgive and heal from past hurts. I've heard many times people say that we need to be healed from our pasts, but never read a better description of HOW to go about doing that with God. The point of the book is that we can't really avoid repeating how we were raised until we are healed from it.

So, if there is something creating a gap between what you know about walking with God and what you actually live out, ask God to probe your heart to see if there's something that needs healing before you can move forward with Him.

Don't Give Up!

Have you ever felt bombarded by circumstances, conflicts or health issues and wanted to run away and hide? I lean in that direction more frequently than I care to admit. It's something I learned from my family, particularly my mother. I've had to make a conscious choice to do otherwise and it's not always easy.

Recently, I've had a handful of health challenges, from a never-ending sinus infection to sleeping poorly and being tired most of the time, back problems as well as some others. My natural bent is to be overwhelmed and frustrated that I'm dealing with this when I'm only 35. I should be able to teach 4-6 year olds how to do jumping jacks without it inducing a week-long headache!

After reading Joyce Meyer's book, Never Give Up! I was inspired to take on a different attitude. I stopped complaining about my problems and made up my mind to proactively pursue solutions, one at a time. I talked it over with my husband and devised a plan for how to tackle each one.

I realized that part of my problem was a reluctance to spend the money on my own healthcare. It also takes some stepping out of my comfort zone to address some of these issues. But, I need solutions. A healthier mom and wife is a happier mom and wife. And that's better for everyone! I can't serve God and my family if my body isn't functioning the way it should.

I discovered that even my fatigue is improved when I make up my mind to get to work anyway. Rather than dwell on being tired, I've tried to focus on finding ways to muster up some energy and do what needs to be done. Sometimes I just need to get my behind off the chair and get to work! No excuses!

How about you? Any areas in your life where you're acting more like a victim than a victor? Take charge of your health and your outlook on life. God walks through life with us and will give us the strength to get through whatever we need to.

Keeping Order While Homeschooling

We've had school going with my 4 year old and 6 year old for a few weeks now and I've noticed some behavioral areas that need improvement. Some days, that's an incredible understatement and school is a complete train wreck. I needed a new idea to try. A friend of mine whose daughter goes to kindergarten at a small Christian school told me about the merit/demerit system at the school. I was impressed by the high expectations they have for kids that young. I expected far less of my kids at home!

So, I decided to try my own version of the merit/demerit system. I chose three areas where we have the most trouble: attitude, focus and fighting. I made up merit and demerit cards for each category. I also added a Proverb that addressed each. When I notice bad behavior in one of those areas, I don't yell (too often) or threaten. I just hand the offender a demerit. When I notice good behavior, I give a merit.

For my relatively compliant 6 year old, getting the merit or demerit itself seems (so far) to be enough to reward or correct. He's disappointed to get a demerit and that's enough to turn his behavior around. He's thrilled to get a merit.

My strong-willed, tempermental 4 year old, on the other hand, takes her demerit and throws it on the floor. Hmmm... She obviously needs more concrete consequences. So, I started giving her a 5 minute time-out for every demerit. Taken out of her recess time. We'll see how that works with her! I may end up offering rewards for merits also.

We plan to try a simplifed version of this system with our homeschool co-op (ages 2-6) where we need some training in basic classroom etiquette. We're going to write out some basic rules (don't talk until you raise you hand and are called on, hands to yourselves, etc). Then we'll have some green disks (poker chips?) and some red ones. Green is good, red is bad. It gives kids a concrete way of understanding when they're doing right versus wrong.

I just thought I'd pass it along to see if it might be helpful. Let me know!

REQUEST... I'm still trying to figure out the best way to track how many people are reading my posts, so would you do me a favor and email me or leave me a comment and tell me how you read this? Did you go to the site, read it directly from Facebook or Twitter, on an RSS feed or from your email? Thank you!!!!!!

Moms are Like Bees...

Moms are like bees, but probably not in the way you're thinking of. Yes, we're busy all the time, sting when we're angry and make a lot of noise, but I found some other similarities. :) I studied bees in school with my kids recently and I was intrigued by these little creatures! A worker bee has four different jobs throughout its life - one at a time.


1. When a worker bee is four days old, it becomes a nurse. Its body produces royal jelly that it feeds to the bee larvae. It doesn't make this jelly for very long.

2. When it is twelve days old, its body starts making wax which it then uses to build the nest.

3. At eighteen days old, its body stops making wax and it switches jobs to guarding the entrance to the hive to make sure no strange bees enter.

4. Once it is three weeks old, a worker bee leaves the hive to collect nectar or pollen to make honey.

Why in the world am I telling you this? It occurred to me that those four jobs are somewhat similar to the seasons of life that we as moms go through.

1. Our first job is a nurse. Whether you breastfeed or bottle feed, you primary role with an infant is to feed it. You bond with your baby and keep him fed, warm and clean.

2. Our next job is to build our nest. As the baby grows toward toddler hood, our focus turns toward making our homes as safe, stimulating and comfortable as possible. We baby proof the wall outlets, put up gates and search for anything that might get choked on.

3. As our children get older and have more interaction with the outside world, we turn to being a protector. We think more about keep our children safe from predators, whether they're found on the street, on the internet or on the TV. We monitor what music they listen to, who they hang out with, where they go, etc. I think this stage lasts quite a while - say, elementary school until they're on their own.

4. For the last stage, honey-making, I thought of a couple different parallels. We get to enjoy the sweet rewards of our work (Lord willing!) as we see our kids blossom into adults. We enjoy more of a peer relationship with them. In another sense, this is the season of life where we can spend more time outside the hive, maybe pursuing a career or volunteer work. Now is the time to try and contribute financially to the household.

The one thing that stuck out to me in reading about bees was that they knew exactly what they were supposed to do. They knew when one job was supposed to end and another begin. How we as moms struggle with this! Shouldn't I be out doing something different? When will I get some time to pursue other things? Maybe we should follow the bees' example and do the best job we can with whatever job God has given us at the moment. There will be other jobs later.

5 Minute Chocolate Mug Cake

A friend sent me this recipe. I haven't tried it, yet, but it looked so good I had to post it!


4 tablespoons flour
4 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons cocoa
1 egg
3 tablespoons milk
3 tablespoons oil
3 tablespoons chocolate chips (optional)
A small splash of vanilla extract
1 large coffee mug (MicroSafe)

*Add dry ingredients to mug, and mix well. Add the egg and mix thoroughly.
*Pour in the milk and oil and mix well..
*Add the chocolate chips (if using) and vanilla extract, and mix again.
*Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3 minutes at 1000 watts.

The cake will rise over the top of the mug, but don't be alarmed!
Allow to cool a little, and tip out onto a plate if desired.
EAT ! (this can serve 2 if you want to feel slightly more virtuous).

And why is this the most dangerous cake recipe in the world?
Because now we are all only 5 minutes away from chocolate cake at any time of the day or night!

Scary, huh? If you try it, let me know how it goes!

The Art of Saying No

Why is it so hard for us to say no when people ask us to do things? We have a hard time saying no to our kids, to our extended family, to people who want things from us, the list goes on. As a result, we relinquish our time to people and scenarios we never intended to. When someone asks us to fill a position or volunteer or take on a new job or switch work schedules, we lack the courage to say no.


We somehow feel that the godly, servant thing to do, is to say YES whenever anyone asks something of us. Our time and energy is precious and limited. When we give it away without careful consideration and prayer, we are doing ourselves, our families and God a disservice. I read the quote recently that said that if we’re too busy to get everything done in the time we have, then there must be some things on our list that God didn’t put there.


So what do we do?

1. Start by not saying ‘yes’. “Let me get back to you on that” is a great line to use. Don’t let someone fluster you into saying yes when you don’t want to.

2. Then, you have time to think about it, pray about and talk with your spouse or a close friend about it. Sleep on it for at least a night.

3. Decide what your priorities are. Look at your schedule and figure out what is non-negotiable. If this new commitment doesn’t fit into what is important to you.

4. What do you WANT to do? Even if you have time for something, do you want to do it? Sometimes we should serve even if we’re not excited about it. But if you do that, make sure it’s something God wants you to do.

5. Make choices based on what you believe to be God’s will, not out of guilt. Enough said?

6. If it’s a “no”, then ask God for the courage to call the person back and graciously tell them no.

You will find that saying 'no' to things gives you freedom and joy that you may have been lacking. We don't need to be enslaved by what others want us to do!

Ready for School? Spiritually?

So, it's time for school to start again (or continue, if you start early or home school year round). The store shelves are piled high with notebooks, pencils, erasers, calculators and backpacks. You're purchasing your curriculum, making sure your schedules are arranged just right, paperwork done, the lunches made... You're all ready to start school, right?

As I was doing all this to get ready to start school with my kindergartner and first grader, I had to stop for a minute. I was more or less ready with the academics, but was I ready... spiritually? I have been catching myself snapping at my kids, losing my temper and sounding annoyed at them lately. Life has thrown us some challenges over the past 6 months and it's been difficult at times not to take my stress and frustration out on them.

So, I paused in my lesson plan preparation and library book searches to search my heart. More importantly, to ask God to search my heart and bring to light what was hidden there. I need Him to take my frustrations, my stress, uncertainty and all the other junk and toss it. Call it spiritual de-cluttering! As I educate my kids at home, I want them to learn more than history, math and science. I want them to learn godly ways to deal with stress, how to treat others and how it's OK to take a break to calm your temper before it spills over onto someone else. I guess I need to learn those lessons a little better myself!

Even though we started school today, I still need daily searching and cleansing to assure that I'm as prepared spiritually as I can be to be the Mom and teacher that He wants me to be. My time alone with Him in the morning before the kids get up is now even more important than it was before.

How about you? What do you do to be spiritually prepared to home school your kids?

Contentment in the Now

This is Freddie, our pet guinea pig. Give him hay, food, water and some fruit and he's content. Unless, of course, you're trying to catch him or trim his nails. But otherwise, he seems like a content, happy little guy.

I, on the other hand, tend to always be looking to the next thing. What's the next stage my kids will reach? When will I get the time to keep the house clean? When will I have time to write without the interruption of kids? When will I be mature enough to feel confident of what my writing platform should be? When?

I'm very much someone who lives in the future, but recent circumstances in my life have made me take a step back and be more HERE, NOW. How can I love and encourage my kids where they're at now? How can I find joy and contentment in THIS season of life? My kids are young and I homeschool them. Do I have time and energy for much else? NO! I love homeschooling and don't question that decision at all. But, do I sometimes envy the moms that suddenly have tons of time on their hands every fall to pursue other things? Sure! Just give me a few more days in every week... I'll find a way to do it all!

The reality is that God gave us the time He gave us - no more. Perhaps it's an overused cliche, but there really are seasons in life. As Ecclesiastes says, there is a season for everything. Now is my season to invest heavily in my kids and their education. I won't have another chance to do that. Doing lots of other ministry, writing, crafts, etc, will wait. They will be there when this season changes.

I still find outlets for ministry and writing and other "me" stuff, but it's squeezed in around what my seasonal priorities are. I'm trying to BE HERE NOW. I still like to look ahead to what the future may bring, but I will choose to settle myself into the now and rejoice in what it brings.

Be the Cool House in the Neighborhood

Problem: You want to keep an eye on your kids,but they want to play with the neighbors. You’re not sure what kind of values other parents have and don’t want to expose your kids to things you find inappropriate. You also want to keep them safe. And, how can you be a Christian witness to your neighbors?

Solution: Be the cool house in the neighborhood that the other kids want to hang out at! That way, your kids are where you can keep tabs on them, you control what influences they’re around, you know they’re safe and you can be an example to those who live nearby.

How? Have cool kid stuff that you make available. In the summer, we have a rocket sprinkler that is a HUGE kid draw. My kids start playing with it and we suddenly have 5 other kids in our yard laughing and getting soaked. Make a slip and slide out of a tarp. In the winter, make a sledding ramp and track out of snow. Make your home and yard a fun place for kids to play. What it looks like will depend on the ages of your kids. My husband builds plastic models and flies R/C airplanes – kids love that stuff! Have kid-friendly snacks and drinks to offer. Make home-made cookies. Be June Cleaver (just kidding). Seriously, your house doesn’t have to be immaculate – just fun and available.

Keep it under control… As you have other kids in your home and yard, remember that it’s your house and you set the rules. Being the cool house doesn’t mean you have to allow the kids to do whatever they want. Be clear and firm in your boundaries. I’ve had to tell a 6 year old neighbor that if he continued to use bad language at my house, that he would not be allowed to play there. And, that if he touched our car again, he would be sent home (this was after he was politely instructed a couple times). His 8 year old sister pushed the boundaries as well, and I firmly told her that if she could not listen to me while at my house, that she wouldn’t be allowed to play there. Don’t be afraid to send them all outside on a nice day or simply turn them away if you’re not up for company. It’s your house – take charge. Most kids will respond very well to polite but firm boundaries. Others may test you. Pass the test and you will win their respect. Fail the test and they will walk all over you and drive you crazy.

Witness… You can use the opportunity to let them see you pray before you eat and to teach them how Christians treat each other. You can also gently explain that at our house we honor God and don’t use His name lightly if frequent uses of “Oh my…” abound. Invite them to church, get to know their parents, the opportunities are endless!

What Do You Do with Worry???

"Do not be anxious about anything, but with everything, through prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

OK, so I'm not supposed to worry. No problem, right? Hah! But God, don't You realize how many things there are to worry about? What if we don't make it financially? What if my kids get some horrible disease? Or me or my spouse? Or the house burns down? Or... We can create endless situations that we should worry about.

God commands us NOT to be anxious. But we can't help it, can we? We must be able to help it if God tells us not to do it. He wouldn't give us a command that we couldn't keep. I believe that worry is a choice. (I'm preaching to myself here, just as much as anyone else!) We're not victims of some worry disease. We simply have a choice to make.

Think about what worries you the most. Finances? Health? Relationships? What happens when you worry about it? You think about it. You imagine all the things that could go wrong in that area. You play the endless "What if?" game. It fills your mind and your thoughts.

In Scripture, God not only tells us not to worry, He also tells us what to replace that 'worry energy' with. Phillipians says not to worry, but to pray instead. That's helpful - I need to place my worries into God's capable hands and trust that He'll take care of it. But, I think we frequently stop too short in memorizing and applying just verses 6-7. I think God has even more worry-fighting ammunition in verses 8-9.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me - put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."

When we're worrying, are we thinking about things that are true, noble, right,pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy? NO! All our "what-ifs" aren't true because they haven't even happened yet. We're imagining up horrible scenarios and stressing about what could happen. Instead of thinking of what we're worrying about, we need to think about good things.

Then, Paul also tells us to get to work! Don't just sit there, we need to apply what we've learned! Go love your neighbor, serve one another, get involved in ministry.

To sum up, here's God's plan for fighting worry:

1. Pray about everything

2. Think about good things instead of what you're worrying about

3. Get to work applying the things that God has taught you

"Now may the Lord of peace Himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you." 2 Thessalonians 3:16