Thursday, May 20, 2010

Retaking the Reigns

I don't know about you, but I've been REALLY frustrated with this parenting-thing lately. I've been getting angry with my children and feel like they don't listen to me. They fight with each other, argue with me and whine about life.

At first, I blamed their behavior on upcoming changes in our lives. We're leaving for vacation soon which includes air travel to a new place. We also have a baby on the way. Those are wonderful circumstances, but sometimes kids process things that are new by acting out.

After a couple evenings of crying to my husband about how to handle these two children, I came to a realization. I've let go of the reigns in my home too much. It happens from time to time, usually slowly. Lack of follow through on wrong behavior, loosening standards and expectations and upset schedules until I suddenly realize that I'm not in control of my home any more.

Don't get me wrong, my husband is the head of our house and Jesus is in control. But on a day to day basis while my husband is at work, God has placed me in authority over my children. If I'm so frustrated with their arguing and fighting and complaining, it's because I've slacked in that authority. If I'm whining and yelling back at my children rather than calmly instituting consequences for their behavior, then I'm doing something wrong. I've learned that usually when I have negative emotional responses to my children's behavior, it's because I'm not taking control of the situation.

So, I'm grabbing back the reigns, which is always a little ugly at first because the kids have gotten used to running the show, but I think it's working. I'm a calmer and happier Mom, my home is more peaceful and my children are happier.

When I announced to the kids the other day that some changes were going to be made and explained those changes, my seven-year-old announced soon after, "Mom, you're the best!" Kids need and deep down desire order, calm and consistency in their lives. So if you need to take back the reigns in your home, know that you're doing the right thing for everyone!

Monday, May 10, 2010

Living at Peace?

"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:18

I really like that verse. You know why? Because it makes it clear that it ISN'T always possible to live at peace with everyone! I'm not thinking of the 'living' as talking about my own immediate family (although peace there seems hard to find at times, especially with two arguing kids!). Rather, I take it more to be talking about our relationships within the Body of Christ and without.

Our family has dealt with at least a couple specfic relationships where everything has seemed fine until some sort of conflict arises. We do our best to try and resolve the situation and talk things through. We're not perfect, but I think we're trying to do things as God would have us. But, no matter how hard we try, things blow up in our faces and the relationship is strained. It's sad when it involves a fellow Christian, but Paul is clear that sometimes it happens, no matter how hard we try.

It reminds me of Paul and Barnabas in the book of Acts. They were partners in ministry, serving God together and traveling all over the Roman Empire telling others about Jesus. In spite of how close they must have been, spending so much time together, they had an argument over John Mark that they couldn't resolve. They finally decided to part ways. You can read about it in Acts 15:36-41.

If you have conflict with someone, do everything you can to resolve it. But, peace takes two. Sometimes, after you do everything you can to fix the relationship, it just doesn't work. That's OK.